Thursday, March 28, 2013

I can't hear you

As we go throughout our day we experience different luxuries that I bet most of you rarely think about. Now, I'm not talking about power windows, the microwave or even having a roof over your head. I'm talking about your senses. 

Do you take time everyday to think about how lucky you are to be able to see and hear? These are luxuries that many people don't have. 

I know it wasn't something that I thought about often. That is until about 2 weeks ago.

I went to the ER about 2 weeks ago with a nasty ear infection.  About an hour after I left the ER, my right eardrum ruptured.  Then, about a week after that my left eardrum ruptured!!! Needless to say, it was a long couple of weeks. 

The good news is that my ear infection is finally gone. The bad news is, it left me VERY hard of hearing.  Anyone who really knows me knows that my hearing wasn't all that good before this happened :( 

If I had to guess, I would say that I don't hear 75% of what goes on around me now. Honestly, it sucks. Monday night I was crying because I was so frustrated!  
It is hard to go from hearing to not hearing.

My new "normal" is not enjoyable.  

If I want to sit down and watch a movie with my family we have to turn the closed caption on so I can follow along. We tried turning the volume on the tv up as loud as it would go, but I could only hear bits and pieces of the movie. Not enough for me to understand what was going on.

Sunday at church during Sunday school I had to keep opening my eyes to see if we were done praying because I couldn't hear one word he was saying.  During service I lost interest because I couldn't hear half of what he was preaching about. Which makes it hard to follow along. 

Last week we went to a friend's house and their daughter kept talking to me and I honestly could not hear one word that she said to me. 

I have people keep asking me if I'm feeling ok, because I seem distant.  
It is not that I am distant,  I just cant hear what anyone is saying so I usually give up and zone off. 

The part that is the most frustrating for me is not hearing my kids :( 
I feel horrible because I can't hear Blake if he is in his room crying. 
I can't hear what Carson and Vanessa are saying to me. I have to keep asking the older girls to repeat themselves. I hate it! I feel like a bad mother.

What I miss the most though, is hearing them laugh. That is what upset me so much Monday night. Michael was playing with Blake and he asked me if I could hear Blake laughing, and I couldn't. It had been a long day and it seemed like Vanessa and Carson spent the whole day whining and crying (which I heard just fine because that they do nice and! 
But it is the little things, like their laughing or the I love you, mommy that make all of the crying and whining worth it in the end. Now, I don't get to hear that very often :( 
And it broke my heart.

I am doing a little better now. Not hearing wise, but emotionally. I really hope that this is only temporary and that my hearing will return within the next 2 months. I was told that it can take anywhere from 1 1/2 months - 2 months for it to return. There is a slight possibility that my hearing loss may be permanent! I REALLY hope not!

Hearing problems run in my family so I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't. About 2 years before my mom died she had to have her right eardrum rebuilt because she was almost completely deaf in it. The same thing happened to her when she was 5 months old and again as an adult. 

I never thought of being able to hear as a luxury, but it definitely is! You don't realize it until it is taken away from you. I will never again take for granted the fact that I am able to see with my eyes the beauty around me every day. I will also cherish every moment that I do get to hear my kids laughing or saying that they love me. 

This is my new normal and I know that I will adapt. It is just not enjoyable at all! I am not sure why this happened, but just like everything else I know that God has a plan and that He will be my strength through all of this! 

Thank God everyday for the little things in life that you don't think about as being a gift! 

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