Thursday, March 31, 2016

I'm just me

It has been a LONG time since I have blogged! It is something that I wish I was more consistent at, but life happens and I forget! Oh well- It is a new day and here I am :) 

Over the last couple of weeks I have gotten a lot of comments from people about how "I inspire them". This is so strange to me!! Why? lol I have had people tell me that they love to follow me on Facebook, people who get excited and can't wait to meet me. And People who have told me thank  you for helping them get closer with their husband or that I am the reason they are growing closer to God.

I am so honored and very humbled by all of this! I am hearing it a lot lately- I think from 3 or 4 different people just this week. I appreciate it, and again thank you........ but it makes me think...... Why???

I'm just me!!! I am not anyone special! I just go through life like all of you do! I have struggles, I have joy!! I have had extremely hard times and I have had some amazing times!!! I have had a horrible marriage and I have had the best marriage!!!! I am just me....... I am trying to get through everyday and find love, joy and peace in the process :) 

Life is hard sometimes- I mean really hard!!! Let's be completely honest- sometimes life just sucks :( I am not everything that I wish I was. I am trying everyday to be a better person than I was the day before. Sometimes I am and sometimes, well.... not so much! I pray throughout my day and try doing the best that I can. 

Although I don't feel like I am anyone "special" that you should be inspired by, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to the people who have reached out to me <3. Thank you for being a part of my life, and thank you for helping me feel like I am helping someone in someway feel like they can be a better person as well! That they can and WILL overcome! I love you all <3 and I want to encourage you all to just be you, because after all, I'm just me!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

What you really want to know

As most of you know I have a lot going on in my life right now. I posted a Give Forward fundraiser for us the other night and asked for people not to message me because I really wasn't interested in explaining myself to a bunch of people. Well, you don't listen..... lol I probably received 30+ messages. Luckily, they were from people who I felt actually cared and weren't looking to just be nosey so they could have their next "town gossip story". I am doing a lot better mentally and emotionally today to where I feel I can share with you what is going on. 

The majority of my friends know that my husband has demons in the form of addiction issues. He has struggled all throughout our marriage (and the majority of his teen life on) with alcohol, drug and pornography (there is a blog on here somewhere about that one). This unfortunately is one of those times.

A couple of months ago I started having a feeling that something was off. I confronted him numerous times and he always denied it. A few weeks ago the truth came out and we got in a big fight about it. He ended up going to visit a friend of his (not someone I approve of as a friend) and they hung out and had a few drinks. On his way home he was pulled over for speeding and failed a breathalyzer test and was arrested for a DUI. He was very upset about it and it seemed to really shake him up. I honestly thought (or maybe just hoped) that this was a turning point for him. After he did this I told him I was done, if something like this happened again I would leave. For those of you who don't know my brother is an alcoholic and I grew up watching him ruin my family. I refuse to let my kids grow up like I did.

On Saturday I laid down for a nap and Michael left with Blake to go to the store to buy some stuff to try to fix the lawnmower. When he got home I found open alcohol containers in the car and I lost it. I told him that he needed to pack up and get out. Long story short it turned into a big huge ugly argument, but he did eventually leave. That is what prompted the Give Forward fundraiser and where we are today. 

Now, with all of that being said I want to make something VERY clear!!!! My husband is an AMAZING man!! The guy that I post about on Facebook and all of the wonderful things he does for me, is exactly who he is!!! He spoils me and takes care of me in every way that he possibly can. He is always going out of his way to help others who need it and he is incredibly kind and loving. He is a great husband and a great father and I wouldn't change being married to him for anything in the world. 

The person who I asked to leave on Saturday night is not my husband. Alcoholism is a disease. It consumes your thoughts and actions and makes you turn into someone that you aren't. (My brother is the same way) He needs help. My prayer is that he will make the decision to get himself help. I have not kicked him to the curb with the intention of divorce and not caring about him anymore. I did what I did to protect my kids, my heart and ultimately himself. I have been in touch with him since he left and told him that I want him to seek help. I don't know if that means sending him away somewhere or him getting into different groups/counseling sessions 5 days a week or what. I asked him to meet with some Godly men who would help hold him accountable and help him figure out what is the best option for his situation. 

I know that he can overcome this. Not because of anything that he does, but because my God is bigger than any addiction! I pray that he will choose to make the decision to get help and once he proves to me he is taking the steps to get his life back on track and get himself well he will be welcomed back with open arms. 

I have been through more than I should have ever had to go through with him. I know a lot of you do not think that he should be allowed another chance. A lot of you just want to gossip and talk about us and his issues. If that is what you think is necessary then whatever, go ahead..... I no longer care. The fact is that you are no better than I am. Just like I am no better than he is. He has sin in his life that he needs to overcome, just like I do and just like you do. None of us are perfect and I know that when I screw up that I hope that people will forgive me. This incident does not define who he is.

I love my husband more than anything and I will continue to not give up on him and help him through this in anyway that I can without putting myself or my kids in harm's way. I know that he would do it for me if the situation was reversed and he wouldn't just abandon me in my time of need. 

In the meantime I am trying to raise money in order to get a van so I can leave the house, go to Dr appt, store, park, church or God forbid the ER of there is an emergency. If you are helping me out at all I would greatly appreciate it. 

Here is the link to my fundraiser

Some have asked about just sending it to me through PayPal because there is no fee that way. If you are interested in doing it that way my PayPal email is as long as you put it as friends/family then there is no fee. 

Thanks again to all of you who have already supported me! I am blessed by your friendships and so thankful for the outpouring of love!!!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Exactly what they need!

It is VERY rare that I ever want to go to a movie theater to see a movie, but there is a movie out called, 'Moms Night Out' that I was interested in seeing.

My husband being the wonderful man that he is took me to see that movie on Saturday night! Luckily, we weren't seeing a movie that he picked out because he fell asleep during the first preview!!! 

Oh well.......

This movie really spoke to my heart. If you have not seen it, I HIGHLY recommend it!

I have a question for you........
How many days a week do you feel like you are failing as a mother?

Personally, I have moments each and everyday where I question myself and my abilities to do this whole ":mom" thing. I constantly question if what I am doing is right. 

Why wont he listen to me?
Are my kids going to grow up hating me? 
Are they going to be smart enough?
Can I really give this many kids everything that they need?
Do they know how much I love them?
Are they going to love God?
Can I really teach them how to survive in this screwed up world that we live in?

Every night as I lay in bed something that happened throughout the day will come to my head. 
I will think to myself.......
I wish I would have handled that situation differently. I wish I would have played more with someone.
Should I have disciplined them differently? Why did I get mad over that?? Whatever it is, there is ALWAYS something that I question about myself.

As moms we also like to compare ourselves to other moms. 

She cooks better than me. 
She is more crafty than I am. 
She never yells at her kids. 
She is always wearing makeup and has perfect hair. 
She makes everything from scratch and doesn't feed her kids Burger king.

Whatever it is, I know that you have done it! You have compared your parenting ability to someone else. You have thought that you are screwing up your child. 
You have questioned your ability to be the good mom that your kids need.

Admit it........

Well, I want to tell you that you are the PERFECT parent for your child! 

God made all of us differently. He made all of our kids differently. What my kid needs, yours may not. Your strengths are just right for the children that He gave to YOU, not me. 

If He thought that I could do a better job then He would have given me your child, But He didn't. 
He gave them to you because you are the ONLY person who can give your child what they need. How you teach them and how you shape them is going to turn them into who they are going to be. The exact person that God created them to be. If God would have given me your child then that child wouldn't be who He wants them to be.

Your job as a mom is THE most important job in the world. You are not totally screwing up your kid! You are doing things right! You may not be the mom that your best friend is and that is ok!!!! You are exactly who you need to be for your kid and that is what matters! No one else can give them what they need.

When that child looks up at you and says I love you, mom, know with your whole heart that you ARE doing something right!!! You are EXACTLY what that sweet little face needs :) 

The movie touched on that and really made me think.
  By the end I had tears in my eyes as I thought about my own wonderful children and how being their mom really is the best thing in the world. 
There is nothing in this world I love more than being a mom and I know that even on my bad days, I wouldn't trade it for anything!!! 

From here on out I am going to stop thinking that I am not good enough! If I messed up, I will work on making things right and not dwell on it. I am no longer going to listen to the voice that says I am screwing up my kids ;) 

I want to encourage you to do the same!!!!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Children are a gift from God

Recently, I had the privilege to attend a Comfort Care dessert fundraiser. Comfort Care is our local pregnancy resource center. I have visited the center before, but this was the first fundraiser that we have ever attended. I was not sure what to expect other than they would ask us for

They had a couple of people speak and one woman give her testimony.
I was in tears numerous times throughout the evening. First, was during the testimony of a woman who chose life for her baby. She stood up there and told everyone how she was scared. How the baby's father wanted her to have an abortion. How although she grew up being pro-life she just didn't know what to do.

She decided to go to Comfort Care to discuss her different options. She said that while she was there she never felt judged and felt like they really cared. After talking to the counselor she was taken back to have an ultrasound done where she saw the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Thanks to the counseling and ultrasound she decided to keep her baby!! Even if the road ahead of her might be hard and not what she had planned. She chose life!

Fast forward to today, she is the mother of a beautiful little girl who is about 3 weeks older than Wyatt. And I can tell you from seeing her with that sweet little baby that she does not regret her decision to choose life.

There was another pro-life speaker there who gave some statistics that also had me in tears that evening.
We live in a little town, the population of our whole county is only around 20,000. So the statistics he spoke of were from two nearby bigger cities that most of us travel to, Roanoke and Charlottesville. He said each city had 1000 abortions preformed, so 2000 between the 2 cities. That equals 5 babies killed every single day of the year, just in those 2 cities alone.

My heart broke when I heard that! I am very pro-life and to hear that people are able to kill another person like that just blows my mind. I don't care what any pro-choice person says, IT IS A BABY!! Like the girl in the testimony said, she saw it's heartbeat! I think she said she was only like 7 or 8 weeks along. It had a heartbeat because IT IS A BABY!

I have been pregnant 7 times and I can't fathom how someone can say that it is not a baby. I have felt them move. I have seen them on the ultrasound sucking their hand and moving their arms and legs around. I have been kept awake at night because when I want to sleep seems to be the perfect time for him/her to get a case of the hiccups. It does not have to be outside of the body in order for it to be a baby! Life begins at conception.

I hear the argument that a woman should have the right to choose what she does to her body. Well, the thing is, it is not her body. She is not killing herself. She is not stopping her heartbeat. She is not snapping her own neck. She is doing it to someone else. If she didn't want a baby then she shouldn't have opened her legs. Yes, that is how I see it. If you are going to make the decision to have sex, then you know that there is a chance that you might get pregnant.

What about a woman who is raped, that was not her choice, That is the argument most pro-choice people make. You are 100% right, it was not their choice and I know from experience that is something horrible to go through! But is murdering another human being really the answer?

Here is another statistic that was thrown out that night, 60% of all people who get an abortion already have a child/children! They are not young scared teenagers or rape victims. They are adults who know exactly what they are doing.

So why are they doing it?

Because they are selfish, that's why. That little baby didn't fit into their plan. That little baby didn't get to live because mom and dad only had a couple of more years until all of their kids were out of the house and they didn't want to start all over again. He or she didn't get to live because dad was saving up money for a boat and a baby would ruin his plans and take away his money. That sweet perfect baby didn't get to live because mom and dad thought that their house was too small to have another baby.

What ever the reason is, it is a selfish reason. Mom and dad saw their lives going one way and having a baby would ruin their plans.

Here is the thing though...... Life isn't all about you. We live in a society where we are selfish and everything is me, me, me. What can I get out of it? How will this benefit me? When people see a baby as a way of ruining the plans that they have set out, they just dispose of it.

It makes me sick.

A baby is not something that should just be disposed of. That little baby did nothing to deserve being murdered. It didn't ask for you to become pregnant, but it should have just as much right to live as you do!

I am so glad that we went to the fundraiser. Although the statistics and some things that were said broke my heart, there were statistics of women who choose life that made my heart happy! I am glad to see that the center is helping and giving women information to help them choose life. Every woman who walks through their doors is cared for and loved, not judged. Every woman that they help inform and support is one more sweet little baby that has a chance to live. So this family will help them in whatever way we can because EVERY BABY MATTERS!!!!

I encourage you, if you are pro-life to please support your local pregnancy resource center!!! Support them financially if you can or give your time and volunteer. Helping support them by giving women a choice is what is going to put abortion clinics out of business.




A BABY!!!!!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Part of the problem????

I have not blogged in forever........ but maybe today will mark the beginning of my normal blogging again ;) 

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving! 

For the last couple of weeks I have been watching different friends post about stores being open on Thanksgiving. Some are hugely against it, while some are excited about the deals.
I keep seeing a "badge" people keep posting that if you shop on Thanksgiving then you are part of the problem.......

What problem exactly? 

People post that it isn't fair that employees don't get to be home with their families because they have to work. People are not thankful for what they have because they want to go shopping for more stuff they don't really need...... ok I get it. But why is it only one sided? Really, there are 2 sides to everything. 

Walmart is never closed on Thanksgiving, so them having a sale that starts at 6pm doesn't mean anything. People were already going to be working because the store is usually open anyways! You know why? Because there are a bunch of people that in the middle of making their Thanksgiving dinner are going to remember something that they forgot to get and need to run out to get it. Those people are going to be very happy Walmart is open and won't be complaining.  No one last year was complaining about Walmart being open (without a sale) and all of the poor people who had to work in case Joe Schmo down the street forgot to buy butter.

Some people count it as a blessing to work on Thanksgiving.  Did you ever think of that? Most companies pay time and a half to work holidays. There are many people right now that the extra $50 on their paycheck and working Thanksgiving is a huge blessing, or even a huge need! I have seen quite a few people who have said they are glad to work, single moms, families who have had an unemployed husband for the last 4 months, people who have unexpected car expenses. They would rather work and have the extra money.

Also why doesn't anyone cry and complain that it isn't fair that cops get the day off? Or how about firefighters, hospital workers, ambulance workers, hotel personnel...... etc
Lots of people work on Thanksgiving. 

Which brings me to my next point. Why is it such a big deal?  Thanksgiving, I mean. 
People say that you need to spend the day with your family and be thankful for what you have...... blah, blah, blah.
Well, in my opinion if it takes Thanksgiving day for this to happen then you have a bigger problem than people working on Thanksgiving. 
Seriously, I am thankful for what I have every day, not just the fourth Thursday in November. I also spend time with my family and friends more than once a year. Just because the calendar says Thanksgiving day doesn't mean that is the only day to celebrate being thankful and loving your family. 

I mean really, most of you, your day consists of spending most of the day in the kitchen cooking (not actually spending time with your family), watching football games (again not quality time), stressing out because your family is stupid and you really wish you weren't around them in the first place (as your drunk relative is talking about who knows what).
You spent all of your day and way too much money being irritated,  not thankful. 

I understand that many of you love Thanksgiving with your family, but not everyone feels the same. 

All week people were asking me if I am ready for Thanksgiving. Yup, I sure am because I am honestly not treating it different from any other day. We have some wonderful friends coming over for dinner (We have friends over for dinner quite often). I am making stuffed shells for dinner, not turkey. You see, I want to actually be able to enjoy my company when they are over, not stress about a 10 course meal that cost me more than a weeks worth of groceries. 

Yes, I am going to be thankful for what I have and the people that I get to spend Thanksgiving with, but I am thankful for that every single day out of the year. 

I am not going to be shopping tomorrow. Not because I am boycotting stores being open, but because I don't have any

Which brings me to my last point. People say why not be thankful for what you already have instead of worrying about getting something else. But for some people some of these sales are how the can afford to buy things that they need. No, I'm not talking about a flat screen tv or iPad. No one NEEDS those things, but some sales are things people actually need. A lot of stores sell very cheap clothes, appliances, blankets, shoes, dishes, etc.
One of the things I had been looking at were washers and dryers, and had I have not found one last week I would still be searching the ads for. 

There are a lot of things that I need for my kitchen (obviously, need is being used loosely because I don't "need" it, but it makes my life a lot easier) The Kohl's ad caught my eye and honestly, had they have not started their sale early online I would have probably gone tomorrow night. The only time I can really afford to buy some of the stuff that I want is on black Friday/Thursday. Example, last week my hand kitchen mixer broke. To buy a new one like I had would cost me about $40. I was able to get the same mixer at Kohl's online this week on sale and with rebates for about $5. That is a huge difference and wikth a family as large as mine where every penny is needed that sale was a "need" for me. 

I am not trying to pick sides of who is right or who is wrong when it comes to this subject,  but I think it is important to know that there are 2 sides just like anything else. Some good points and some bad points and I felt the need to point out some of the good because all you ever hear about is the bad. The bad is obviously the ridiculous amount of people literally fighting over electronics and toys, but there is some good to certain people too. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

My new "baby"

In my last blog I said that we had something HUGE going on that I wanted to share with you.
Here is it!!! My new "baby", Family First Farm
My business license

Family First Farm is a vision that God laid on my heart a few months ago. I was very nervous about doing something so big with everything else that I do in my everyday life. Plus, anyone who really knows me knows that I am not a real outgoing person. The thought of being in a position of talking to strangers really puts me out of my comfort zone, but where God leads, I follow!

In my last blog I stated that I believe God allows us to go through certain situations (good and bad) I truly believe that with all of my heart. I have been through so many different things/situations in my life that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Even though my life hasn't always been lollipops and roses, I wouldn't change any of it!

The things that I have gone through over the years is what has made me who I am today. I am able to stand up a strong and confident woman that is not afraid or embarrassed to talk about my life and hopefully help other women in the process. I want my pain and joy to encourage others to keep moving forward and not to give up. I have had person after person tell me how encouraging that I have been to them. Women have sent me messages saying that because of reading my stories that they have been able to push through some of the same struggles in their own marriages. THAT IS WHAT MATTERS!
Not what people think of me or my husband. We are real people who make lots of mistakes and it is by God's grace that we get through all of the bumps along the road.

What is Family First Farm??

Well, right now it is just a name on a piece of paper, but I have huge dreams for it to become something amazing :)

The sole purpose of Family First Farm is to help bring families together,
husbands and wives, and parents and children. I want to help strengthen the bonds that I feel are most important!

Some of the things that will be offered at Family First Farm are,
-Support groups
-Addiction groups
-A Moms group
-Marriage events
-Father/son events
-Mother/daughter events
-Single mom ministry
-Bible studies
-Community events

For more in depth detail about all of our groups and what they offer please visit our website

My ultimate goal with Family First Farm is that it will be a non-profit organization. I already filled out the 30 page application (that was fun). Now, I need to mail it in with the application fee and wait for approval, which can take anywhere from 2-12 months!

With that being said this is where I need help from all of you :) My goal is for this to be a non-profit organization, but until that happens Family First Farm is going to be considered a charitable organization. Meaning that it is run off of donations, and donations alone. I can't do anything with out help. Our first goal is to raise money for the non-profit application process ($850) and some start up money for different materials and expenses that are needed to get this going.

I want for this to be a place where anyone can come regardless of income. I would like for everything to be free or very low cost, if I do have to charge.

I believe that when the bonds in families are strong then kids are less likely to fall into drugs, alcohol, premarital sex, and juvenile mischief. When marriages work on the strengths in their marriages it will help them get through the things that may try to pull them apart. I never want finances to be a reason for families to be unable to attend our programs or events.

My short term goals are to get up and running (meaning getting my groups and events started) and you can help by donating HERE or visit

Long term goals are to eventually have our own property where all of this will take place on site. Right now most of this will need to be done in different places throughout the area willing to let us use their facilities. I want a lot of land so that I can accommodate doing different events on the property. I don't know how that will happen just yet, by money being donated or land being donated..... not sure, but I trust that this is God's plan and that everything will fall into place when the time is right. I would also like to be able to accommodate people to stay for retreats over the weekend/summer weeks. Again, I don't know how all of this is going to play out, but I am excited to be the hands and feet of Jesus and reach out to those needs in my community! I am very excited to start this adventure and it is going to be awesome to see how it all comes together.

Another thing that I need is volunteers! There are many ways that you can help out :) I will need people who are able and willing to help out in our single moms ministry (people who will mow yards, do small household or vehicle repairs) I also need women who are wiling to step up and be table leaders in the moms group. Honestly, there are a ton of opportunities available! A more detailed list can be found on our website. If you are interested in volunteering your time please get in touch with me! You can get in touch with me through my website, email or phone.

I really am excited and I pray that God will use this for His glory and that it will help strengthen relationships and bonds in our community :)

If you would like to read more information, you can visit our website at

Also "like" us on facebook

Again, none of this can happen without your support and donations. Please consider donating to our organization! The sooner the money is raised, the sooner these programs will get started. Every little bit helps and no amount is too small. Please share our fundraising link, on you facebook wall and help us spread the word and get funding :)

Thank you!!!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

This is MY blog

I was told the other day by someone that they were shocked that I would choose to make my husband's sins public knowledge.  Apparently, by speaking the truth in this blog about problems that my husband and OUR marriage have faced, that I am hurting my husband (and his family). I am choosing not to protect him from other people judging him.

I am not 100% sure what this person was referring to exactly.  I have written a blog about his past porn addiction and my most recent blog stated a couple of other things like drugs/alcohol. 

I would like to state VERY CLEARLY that anything I write in this blog my wonderful husband
is perfectly fine with me posting.  He is not ashamed of his past and neither am I. It is called a TESTIMONY! Michael has come so far in his life. He has overcome things that people in his life before me wanted nothing to do with him because of it. 

I am not embarrassed by his actions. I only have control over myself and my actions.  Why should I or anyone else in his life be embarrassed over his past actions?  I nor they had any control over what he chose to do with his time and his life. 

When I blogged about his porn addiction I was shocked at how many people messaged me and thanked me for not being afraid to speak out about it. Again, statistics show that out of every 10 of my friends 6-7 of them have a husband who has dealt with porn issues. That is why I chose to write about it, because I want other women to know that they are not alone and that there are other women suffering through the same pain.  It is ok to talk about.  It is ok to support each other and offer help! Our husbands are not bad people, they just need strength to get though an addiction. Pretending like it isn't going on, isn't going to make it go away!

In my last blog I chose to state things about all of the hell that Michael put me through in the first couple of years of our marriage. Why? Not to hurt him and not to make him out be a horrible husband. I put it in there to give other marriages hope. To help people out there know that even though they may feel like their marriage is over, that they are going through things that they think they can never get past, it is possible. 

If you look at some of my past posts or if you have been around Michael and I in person for more than 10 min then you know how much I love and adore him! He is an extraordinary man and I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life! I think that God allowed us to go through some things because He has a purpose for our lives. Michael and I have something huge in the works that I will share with all of you in my next blog. 

I write this blog to share about my life and the things that go on in it. The good, the bad and the ugly. I am a real person who lives a real life with other imperfect people.  If you don't like it, then don't read it. I am not going to stop helping others know that they are not alone. I am not going to pretend like I live a perfect life that nothing bad happens in. The fact is that I don't.

 I don't think that I am hurting my husband or family by stating the truth. I ALWAYS put my family first and I ALWAYS protect them. I may briefly touch on struggles that we have, but I do not go into all out detail, nor do I bash my family and belittle them on here. 
No one on this planet loves and protects my husband and children more than I do!  No one!