WHOA Leslie!! Are you really going to blog about porn??
Yup, I sure am!
This is a serious issue that effects millions of men and women.
It destroys marriages and families and it needs to be addressed.
Most people keep quiet and don't speak up about this issue. People want to pretend that it isn't going on. Women want to think that their husbands would never look at porn. Or if they know that their husbands struggle with such an issue they wouldn't dare speak about it to anyone!!!! That is embarrassing, right???
Well, guess what..... Not this girl!
I want to be a light and help and encourage as many women as possible!!!
I will not allow Satan to have a place in my marriage when it comes to this issue!!
Genesis 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this
position so I could save the lives of many people.
My wonderful husband that I love and adore has broken my heart many times with his pornography addiction.
Yup, true story! (See my life isn't always perfect like some of you think!)
*** I would like to add that Michael does know that I am writing about this. I am not throwing him under the bus for criticism or judgement. He also wants people to know that they are not alone and help in anyway that he can!
My husband had a porn addiction long before we were every married. (I did not know this until a few months after we were married). It really isn't something that I ever thought I was going to have to deal with. We were very happy and had a wonderful marriage.
The fact is that porn is an addiction. One definition of addiction is a great interest in a particular thing to which a lot of time is devoted. He had spent YEARS of his life before me looking at/watching porn. Just because he was now in love and married didn't make all of those images and thoughts go away.
I have asked him if there was any one thing that he can pin as to why he started down the porn road. He isn't 100% sure. He was molested as a teenager and that distorted a lot of is sexual views. He was also in the drug scene for a long time before we met and that had something to do with it as well.
I don't know the exact statistics, but I read somewhere that like 80% of men view porn..... That is HUGE!!! I hear women say, oh not my husband!! He is a wonderful Christian man and he would never do that!!
"Thirty percent of women are addicted to it. Sixty-seven percent of men say they look at it at least once a month."
Just because you don't know about it doesn't mean it doesn't happen :(
I PRAY that your husband is one of the few men who don't struggle with this issue!!!! But if you are one of the unlucky ones who do live with this know that there are others who know what you are going through.
The first time I found out about Michael, I think I actually caught him by seeing it on his phone??? Honestly, not 100% sure anymore. There were lots of times that I have dealt with this issue so the first time isn't clear anymore.
I do remember the pain and heartbreak that I felt when I found out. I was so upset. I cried and I cried. A million and one things went through my head after he was caught. All of them revolved around me not being good enough. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, blonde enough, my boobs weren't big enough....seriously until you go through something like this you have no idea all of the crap that comes into your head.
I have had people say things to me like, You must have had some idea or thought that he was looking at porn. No, I didn't. My husband is one of the most respectable men when it comes to this. He has NEVER looked at another woman in my presence. He has NEVER commented that someone on tv was hot. He ALWAYS closes his eyes, turns his head, or leaves the room during sex/nudity scenes in movies. He looks the other way when we are walking in the mall and there is a 20ft half naked chick on the wall in front of Victoria Secret. At places where women walk around in bikinis, it NEVER phases him. I have seriously NEVER seen him look in another woman's direction, EVER since we have been married.
No matter how many times he said that it had nothing to do with me, I never believed him. My heart broke anytime I found out and it made me very insecure about myself. I didn't want him to see me with out clothes on and I didn't want to be intimate with him after I found out.
In my mind he was cheating on me. He may not have had sex with another woman, but in my mind it was the same thing. He was looking at another woman who was not me.
Matthew 5:28
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Men and women are so incredibly different when it comes to sex. Men are very visual creatures as where women are emotional creatures. Women want to be intimate when their emotions are high and they feel secure and loved by their husband (Usually) As where men like to look. They want to look at the woman's body and that is how they get aroused. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as the body they are looking at is their wife's body. But when porn is brought into the marriage sexual trust is broken.
My husband is not a bad person! Michael, like EVERYONE else in this world had an addiction. Yes, I said everyone. Because we all have something we are addicted to. It may not be something that is as serious as porn, but it is something.....drugs, alcohol, soda, chocolate, exercise, work, the computer, Facebook...etc. Addiction comes in many different forms for different people.
I have heard other women say that it is my fault that my husband turned to porn. That if we had a good sex life that he wouldn't need to look at porn. That is garbage and don't ever let anyone say that to you. We have a VERY good sex life (Sorry to my mother in law who is probably reading this....to much info, I know). That wasn't the problem.
The problem was that is was an addiction that he had to overcome. Just like any other addiction he had to learn to be stronger than the addiction that was pulling him down. He went to Celebrate Recovery at church for help and support. I also took as many steps as I could to help him. We no longer have cable in our house. The internet at our house is wi-fi from my phone, so he can not use the computer unless I am home.
I also had to learn that his addiction was NOT my fault. There was nothing that I did or could have done differently that would have stopped him. He loves me more than anything in the world and I know this!! He loves how I look, he loves my body and he loves our sexual relationship. I had to take it at face value.... it was an addiction, period.
PLEASE if your husband is struggling with this issue PLEASE realize it is not you!! Satan wants nothing more in this world than to tear you and your husband apart!! Don't let him tell you that you are not good enough. You are!!! It is an addiction and it can be overcome!!!
I am happy to say that my husband is well on his way to beating this addiction. It has been probably about 7 months since we have had any problems :)
I know that there is always a possibility that he may fall, but I am strong enough now to hold his hand and help him along in his recovery and not judge him and think that it is something that I am doing wrong! HUGE progress for both of us :)
